No Self: No Problem


I’m reading an exceptional book called “No Self: No Problem ~ How Neuropsychology Is Catching Up With Buddhism”, by Chris Niebauer, PhD.

In it he talks about how the left brain is constantly trying to make sense of the world by mapping, judging, evaluating and categorising.

It’s always on, but very very often the maps it makes are way off. Its interpretations are often inaccurate but it believes them til it’s been proved otherwise.

Examples he gives are of a friend who was convinced that her colleagues were talking about her behind her back and ostracising her, plotting something egregious. She sweated for weeks convinced of this.

Turns out they were planning a birthday surprise, something special as they liked working with her so much.

Or the idea that if you’ve had a terrible drive into work, jams everywhere, near accidents, you’re more likely to think your colleagues are attacking you when you finally make it in.

These constant hallucinations and interpretations feel so real but so often they are not.

He then argues that not only these “half-baked” interpretations are the product of the left brain that pumps out its theories on scant information, but also the INTERPRETER him/herself.

The interpreter is ALSO a product of the left brain — the one you consider yourself to be.

This is why for millenia, advanced spiritual teachings from different corners of the world say that life as we experience it is a type of dream and that the self (let’s say the sense of a self) is also a type of dream — neuroscience is revealing it’s an illusion created by the left brain.

How to verify this.

Stop what you are doing: Notice the constant interpretation that is happening and just watch it, doing nothing with it. The constant noise, analysis, just watch it happening.

Then notice the interpreter. Again just watch it, doing nothing else with it, breathing into it.

What happened when you do that?

So much suffering can be alleviated by noticing that you are not the interpretations or the interpreter.

The square root of all suffering is the ego.

If you’d like help with any of this, let me know.

How To Recognise Underlying Sabotaging Patterns


Most of the time we are so stuck up in our heads, lost in the personal hallucination of our cloud of thought that we mistake for reality, that we forget the type of thought is being generated and maintained by the way we feel UNDERNEATH the thought.

I was just reading an incredible exposé of this in a commentary from a married couple *.

The man by his own admission had been quick to criticise his partners, and now his wife, at the slightest error. It had destroyed a series of relationships.

On one occasion, she was 10 minutes late back from the grocery store, laden with bags .. and barely through the door she was on the receiving end of his lacerating and highly articulate tongue.

The anger felt justified but this time was different.

He felt a fear welling underneath and it stopped him in his tracks.

He questioned into the fear and realised it was a fear of abandonment.

He realised if he pushed the woman away they couldn’t be the one that leaves him.

He immediately expressed and articulated the fear to his wife, she melted and with tears said “I have no intention of leaving you”.

He stayed down in the body and transmuted the fear — less chance it can sabotage the relationship again.

Conclusion.

Next time your thoughts, actions and behaviour propel off into some unruly direction STOP, drop your awareness down into the body: what feeling is there underneath?

Meet it with pure Awareness, allow it, transmute it with the energy of Love — see what happens.

Then notice what has happened with your thoughts.

Ahhhh. Nice huh?

===

*the commentary can be found exquisitely articulated in the amazing book Lasting Love by Gay and Kathryn Hendricks.

How Are You Using Relationships?


One of the biggest causes of a downfall of a relationship is how you USE them. As a kind of commodity:

  • as a way to prop up your mood or self-esteem
  • to squeeze joy out of
  • to stop yourself being lonely or insecure
  • as a way of not working on yourself and your deeper psychological “fault lines”.

If they are used in this way – as an ego prop – this commodity will be drained and before long it will become a husk of its former self.

When this is turned entirely on its head and you see relationships instead as a MIRROR AND A SEARCHLIGHT, to see what you need to LEARN and what you need to do to work on your SELF, then they become a fount of discovery.

• Why am I continually attracted to distant men?
• Why do I become so short-tempered within a relationship?
• Why do they always leave me?

The clues are in your past …. what was your dad like? Your mum? The relationship they had together?

There is deep and impactful patterning in your past that needs to be exposed and worked through.

Once this has been done then there is far less chance you will USE a relationship to prop up the vulnerable ego and you can instead be far more creative and deliberately joyful in your pursuits with your partner.

Questions.

  1. What patterns do you keep seeing in your relationships?
  2. Are there similar traits across all your partners?
  3. Do your relationships end for similar reasons?
  4. What are your relationship fears and insecurities?

Are you ready to go deep and do this work so you can really be FREE in a relationship?

Send me a message via the Sessions tab, and we can set up an introductory call so I can share with you how I do this work. 😊

Deep Romantic Psychology


When you fall in love with someone for the first time, or even IN LIKE with them, it can feel precarious. Fear of loss or fear of f*cking up is real (to coin that awful modern day parlance!).

What I’m about to say will make it easier but it’s a bit of a difficult one to get your head around to begin with.

THERE IS NO THEM.

The entirety of what you are falling in love with is in you. A perception-projection.

You are responding to perceptual coordinates that are coming from within you.

So when you fall in love with her, you are falling in love with a seeming outside “object” but your entire perception of her is projected from within.

Robert A. Johnson the SUPERB Jungian therapist writes beautifully and lucidly about this in his book We (buy the edition with the red cover — highly recommended).

He says that deep in the unconscious of a man is the ANIMA (the ideal woman he desires) and it is this he is responding to when he idealises a particular woman.

The equivalent for a woman is ANIMUS.

We are really falling in love with a type of mirage, projected onto a partner.

The inevitable challenge is when that mirage fades and you just see a normal fellow human being after a few months of living together.

So what’s the solution?

1/ Recognise that there is no him, it’s a projection coming from you. A projection you’ve projected countless times in your life onto different men you’ve dated or wanted to date.

2/ Own the projection. Breathe through all the feelings that come with it till you feel CLEAR and WHOLE.

3/ Ask yourself, what is this relationship FOR? And let the answer come.

Once you know the deeper REASON for the relationship, that will allow you to focus your energy on ensuring that happens (eg to experience joy together), rather than getting caught up in petty in-fighting and letting projections of resentment or neuroses foul what could be beautiful.

If you’d like any clarification on this or any help, please let me know. It’s a biggie!

Finding Your Purpose, Passion and Meaning


📝 Longish post, so strap yourself in.

Today in my session with a course student we went into Life Meaning And Life Purpose (Session 7 of 10).

Here is what we did:

  1. 👉 We ran an exercise which revealed 3 separate life purposes for her
  2. 👉 We ran a further exercise on 1 of them to reveal the Ultimate Vision of that purpose.

Eg. Purpose: she wants to be a well known singer and performer.

Ultimate Vision: she sees herself being photographed and all over a famous magazine. She sees herself bringing her music to many people.

Feeling: feels amazing

Proximity of Vision to her now/Strength of its reality: she feels completely close to it. It feels completely real.

So we know her Vision is not far away but fully embodied now.

  1. 👉 We next ran an exercise to understand the best way to ensure the Vision happens.

Strategy: upload all her music to YouTube as a first step.

  1. 👉 We next ran an exercise to see when the perfect time is to do this Strategy.

Implementation: by a specific date in December.

This puts the first steps in place to bring about the Vision she wants to make happen.

~~

Once you understand WHY you are here on the planet (Purpose), the best possible outcome of this Purpose (Ultimate Vision) and how to make it happen (Strategy/Implementation) your days are fully accounted for.

Your life becomes alive with meaning and you know exactly where to focus your time. You won’t be drifting around filling time with peripheral, vacuous nonsense.

Hope all this makes sense.

~~

Questions for you:

• What value would it bring you to know exactly why you are here?

• And then to know exactly HOW to start doing it?

• To know exactly where you could go with it ultimately?

Are you ready to completely KNOW your Purpose and Vision? Schedule your initial call here 🗓 📞

https://calendly.com/dansainsbury-transformation/strategy

New Transformational Psychology Course


I’m very excited to announce I’m now teaching the depth and breadth of my psychology to students and fellow therapists from around the world.

If you have a keen interest in psychology but don’t want to spend years on the subject or spend £10,000s I give a high-impact, rich, deep learning experience 1 on 1.

It will give you a ton of insights and techniques to gain rapid optimisation of your self and your life.

I had my first student yesterday and she absolutely loved it.

It’s a 10 week course and will cover a very exciting range of topics.

https://payhip.com/b/Bg6Yt

If you’d like the course curriculum you can download it directly here https://payhip.com/b/Bg6Yt.

Dan

Course reviews:

“I met Dan quite recently, but in a way I feel I know him forever.

As if we have been long time friends.

Dan is an absolutely fantastic tutor, where by explaining a topic, he gives his own life experience examples and always makes sure that I understand and practice the right way, by running examples in my own life.

Because of Dan’s performance, I see and feel things differently, in bright colors and in a more positive way.

I don’t look back anymore, as I used to do before .

I know it will take some time to transform totally, but only from 5 sessions I feel that I’m almost there!

I want to thank Dan for changing my life, and also wish for more people to know him and use his amazing skills of healing and transforming lives!

Thanks Dan”

Veronika Wilding

Relationship Optimisation


The 3 unconscious programs that produce the bulk of our perceptions, projections, expectations and fears in relationships are:

• the relationship we had with our mother
• ditto father
• the relationship they had together

To the degree they run rampant in the subconscious is to the degree they affect us to this day.

I was working with someone on this very subject last week, and the process I use brings to the surface the key memories that need to be excavated and healed.

Her mother was critical and anxious, her father domineering and had an “I know best” mentality. Their relationship had been heated and argumentative.

Once we healed all the key memories she felt light and unburdened by these imprints. Free to create and attract a relationship that she DOES want.

We then moved to the manifestation of the ideal relationship for her. This can only really be done once the clearing of the programs has been done.

The Vision of the ideal came easy to her. It felt blissful in her body. The hitherto de-programming meant no interference arose, clouding that vision.

De-program first, manifest second.

I’m excited to continue the manifestation with her next session.

If you want to run this process please enquire about sessions.

Be The Most Outstanding Lover Program


Outcome of the course:

You will only attract and be attracted to the most exquisite partners.

How it’s done:

We will ~

▪︎ heal and optimise ALL your unconscious relational patterning so you do not keep running up against the same problems and partners who are not quite right 

▪︎ understand and define exactly what you DO want a relationship to be, and manifest that

▪︎ heal all the deeper programs related to your childhood (relationship with father, mother, and the residue of the relationship your parents had).

▪︎ optimise you so that you become your best possible self

▪︎ remove all fear and doubt and judgment about the opposite sex so that you attract only the best

This has been a very popular course so far and the stories I can share have been amazing. 

It is comprised of 8 sessions, generally conducted over 4 weeks.

If you’d like to know more please fill out:

How To Overcome Fear


I noticed a video come up on YouTube with this as a title that went on for 2.5 hours and immediately thought “What!? That’s way too long” … so I will give you a potted guide to how I go about doing this here.

Fear is what is known as a substrata emotion, in the sense that typically it is the bottom of the stack of emotions that carry other emotions such as anxiety, anger and jealousy. Fear underpins all of it. The implication being that often times, if you get underneath those more superficial emotions and get to the FEAR component, and clear that out, the whole stack disappears.

Fear is a real smoke-and-mirrors act in the sense that it feels completely real (of course it feels real, it has its own feeling-signature in the body) but the weird paradox is that it’s often the easiest emotion to clear out. It’s like a mist, as you blow it away, the Sun can shine through again: the Sun being your clarity and insight and peace in any situation.

People often say “Yeah but you need fear”, I’d say it’s present in 99.999% of situations where it is a complete over-reaction. That’s to say it’s redundant. It floods the engine in completely “innocent” situations and disallows an optimal performance / navigation / clarity of thought where you most need it e.g. an interview, exam, challenging conversation, social event. It’s no more than an evolutionary hangover where it made more sense to have it in the sometimes brutal hunter-gatherer societies.

Fear stops people from a multitude of things:

  • Pursuing a new career
  • Leaving a partner
  • Leaving an abusive boss
  • Doing public speaking events that would net them new clients

It essentially separates people from materialising the Vision of a life they’d love.

When does your fear show up? If you knew how to turn it down or OFF completely, how would life be different? What would you be doing in life?

I am running fear-clearing courses as of 30th October. It is 3 sessions 1 on 1, we will clear your fear together and I will give you 2 techniques where you can do it also on your own. To know how to do this is completely life-changing. You will literally be able to navigate situations optimally and create a life that you love as opposed to being limited by previous patterns!

I strongly recommend you do this. These are tools for life.

To book, it is £295 via PayPal (sainsbury1975@yahoo.com). I’m excited to help you.

The Adverserial Nature Between Men and Women


I was speaking with someone recently who had been “wronged” by someone she had been seeing. As discussed in a previous post, she found out that he had still been on a dating site and was seeing other women.

She ended up pretending to be someone else on this dating site by setting up a new profile — and lo and behold he got in contact and started trying to “pitch” this new woman (the fictitious profile) talking about all his wonderful accolades and achievements and successful businesses.

Whilst she couldn’t believe that she’d done this, that it was “wildly out of character”, I explained it was one of her sub-personalities that had been triggered and activated that she was playing out.

I had the sense that this is a SURFACE or SYMPTOM issue, that there was a deeper mistrust of men generally and lo and behold after about 10 minutes of chatting she said “All you men are crazy”.

I remember when I was 19 and dating an “older woman” of 28 (she seemed SOOO much older than me), which was my first intimate relationship, when after about 7 months I decided to end the relationship her comment was “all men are b*stards”. I was a sweet guy, had never been in a relationship before and immediately recognised the falseness in her statement.

Yet that BELIEF SYSTEM was her OPERATING SYSTEM: and whilst those operating systems run, particularly if they are vigorously run WILL CAUSE the very thing you are so sure about, akin to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Exercise For You:

Check in with yourself. Do you have a belief about the opposite sex?

What is it?

These beliefs run like scripts in you and will subtly cause the very thing that you don’t want to happen.

These scripts need to be dissolved.

The most wonderful relationship has ZERO DEGREE of adverserial-ness. By its nature it’s predicated upon WANTING THE VERY BEST for your partner. This cannot be done if there are traces of mistrust, resentment, fear and the like.

Do you recognise any of this?
Do you want to begin to clear out these adverserial programs that are in you?

If so, you can talk to me about HOW I do this — and how I do it to completion:

Excited to hear from you.