The Fear And Pain Of Abandonment ~ The Greatest Wound Of All?

We have all had it and we have all been there: that moment we feel our loved one moving away from us. That immense love we have for them unmet and unrequited. Is there a pain like it?

Or that moment where we begin to fall for someone and we feel somehow they are not in it. How vulnerable and exposed do you feel in that moment?

Whatever it is and however it is felt, the wound of abandonment and rejection is rampant in the collective. It may not always be an open and exposed wound but in most it is still present. Surely it is time, however, to heal it once and for all.


Love ~ at least the romantic or erotic form ~ is a heady mix of mind-bending and consciousness-shifting hormones and chemicals that can completely ‘twist one’s melon’, to coin the British parlance. It can, albeit temporarily, bend and twist you out of all recognition for yourself.

As a psychotherapist (and as a human who has had his fair share of relationship ‘rough and tumble’) one of the most PREVALENT WOUNDS I see is the wound and fear of abandonment.

There seems at times no greater pain than the pain of being left, rejected, abandoned. Even that word can send a searing heat of pain through the heart of many. In fact, whenever you see someone bawling there eyes out in public, it is generally because someone is about to leave them or has left them.

Why is this pain so intolerable, so unique in its signature?

Well the pain and fear of abandonment appears to be completely universal (eventhough it may be dormant or unconscious when enjoying the relative peace of a good relationship). We have all had it, and it is still present in so many: very few have ENTIRELY overcome and healed it.

Perhaps because being in love, and loving someone is such a glorious phenomenon (although let us face it entirely temporary in the grand scheme) that its withdrawal is very much akin to withdrawing from a euphoric drug. The come-down is terrible. We all know what it is like to have the contact-high from having spend prolonged time with someone we deeply love and ‘want and need’ to then have them pull away, or have to leave them for any reason.

I believe it is so DEEPLY painful as it reflects a deep wound in the collective psyche, that of leaving our true ‘Home’ or Divine Source (Perfect Love) ~ in that respect it is often called an ontological pain.


100% YES! In fact it is an ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY PAIN and no longer do you need it. It is entirely obsolete. And to not have it does not render you suddenly ‘insensitive’ or heartless, but in fact allows you to be a far better partner, as you are whole and healed without needing anyone. You are able to be your best AND be entirely loved for that.

Imagine wiping out ALL your neediness for another. Do you KNOW how much of a drain ‘neediness’ is on yourself and your partner or potential partner?

Imagine being BRAND SPANKING NEW for a future (or even existing) relationship. How good would that be? No neediness, no residual pain from previous encounters and experiences.

Can you imagine that? Do you want that?

If so, I am running a bespoke “Relationship Robustness” program which would:

*Allow me to work 1:1 with you to heal all your deep wounds from the past

*Allow me to clear all your fear of rejection / abandonment

*Bring your level up to a high point of attraction where you are able to welcome in a relationship that is robust, secure, happy, and based on mutual joy and reciprocity rather than pain, rejection and fear-based behaviour.

Are you in? Is it time to completely heal ALL your baggage to enjoy the best a relationship can offer?

If so please schedule a time to have an introductory chat here via Skype:

Oh, and here is what others say about my work:

Published by Dan Sainsbury Transformational Psychology

Dan Sainsbury is a world-leading transformational psychologist and healer.

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