Mastery of Self: An Inside-Out Existence


One of the most advanced lessons we learn in life is that sooner or later – by the virtue of the series of knocks and challenges and in some cases extreme adversity and seeming unfairness that we go through – that if we were to walk around AFTER ALL THAT as a victim then we would simply not survive.

All the greatest men and women that have ever walked this Earth – if you were to read their biographies – have been through some form of extreme adversity or another – and have not only weathered it but come out as a shining exemplum to others: replete with life lessons that help in some case millions.

Sooner or later it becomes very clear that the only way you CAN survive is to reselect your inner response to events, so that rather than being a reactionary, volatile mess, we are poised, calm and reposed. The greater the calm, the greater the wisdom that arises in the moment to know how to proceed. And furthermore, we do not push people away in the process. The opposite is true in fact.

Rather than reacting, we must wait, clear whatever the ‘reactionary residue’ is within, and then the intelligent response will follow. The more we do this, the greater the space starts to emerge within, to a point where it becomes AUTOMATIC that we clear and reset everytime we are ‘piqued’ in some way.

We soon realise that rather than being a flimsy ship being buffeted about this way and that by rough storms and choppy seas, we can become more like the lighthouse, strong, sturdy, lighting the way for ourselves and others.

Analogies aside, if we were to crystallise one of the most advanced lessons here: is life happening TO us (victim-consciousness), or is happening FOR us (proactive)? Or indeed is it coming FROM us (mastery)?

To the degree we open up space within the self and cultivate this inner strength and calm is the degree to which we have a far wider range of options with which to intelligently and insightfully proceed. Our new vantage point becomes one of strength and enlightenment, so we instinctively KNOW how to unravel any complexity and proceed through any seeming chaos.

As Dr. Victor Frankl, the Jewish psychologist who was enmeshed in the atrocities of Auschwitz, acutely noted: between stimulus and response there is a gap. In the beginning it is a paper-thin gap, which is the stuff of reactionary behaviour. But over time we can increasingly widen this gap so that we can “choose again”: and choose from a place of deep intelligence and insight. The calmer we are despite the situation, the better the insightfulness.



When we change in this way, the world around us changes: because we are not separate from “life” or the world.

As we heal our internal world regarding an external situation, the external situation changes. Do you want a quick fix to quickly solve a problem? I will give you one: heal yourself ABOUT the situation first. Heal the inner and the outer will conform. Far easier than trying to rearrange everything around you so it is “just so”.



This technique solves the problem of your ‘first response’ to something. When we are activated or piqued by something, it is the most primal parts of the brain that are first lit-up, the parts that are about fight-or-flight. These parts are 100,000’s years old and alas are not fit for purpose in relation to our current world.

The more you are able to heal and clear this ‘first response’ the greater you will strengthen and enlighten your brain and nervous system to choose better and better responses. Sooner or later, those things that would send you into a tailspin of fear or despair or rage will not trigger you at all anymore.

Here is how to do it. Take any feeling you want to work on, say, anxiety or fear or rage. Essentially the feeling you wish to take out of your repertoire!

(to hear the technique please schedule yourself in here for a complimentary 1-on-1 tutorial Book Tutorial)





Published by Dan Sainsbury Transformational Psychology

Dan Sainsbury is a world-leading transformational psychologist and healer.

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