Romantic Pain

I often remark that when you see someone bawling their eyes out in public, it’s not that someone has just died but someone is about to leave them or has left them.

Such is the profound, raw feeling of being “dumped” that it is unconscionably devastating.

I have been there myself.

I have been through quite a few romantic “devastations” and I have come to realise a few things about it, from a deep psychology perspective.

I would turn the whole thing on its head and say that this devastation is necessary.

It forces you to your knees and takes you from hubris to humiliation to humility. It allows you to see all the egoic programs you had in you that brought you to this position.

I’d also argue that it forces you to question ROMANTIC IDEALISM, the fabled ideal that is imperceptibly filtered into human consciousness through public media.

Put simply, love is not enough. At least not “human love” which if you examine closely is not really love at all. But very often some composite of need, fear of lack, fear of loss, sexual desire, resource acquisition etc.

Yes that final sentence may be a tough read but under close examination romantic love can be exposed as a lot of shadowy elements surrounding the pure love itself.

Heart break, and multiple relationship breakdowns expose these truths and force you to heal deeply.

Just recently I’ve been clearing and healing someone’s break up pain, and underneath it was a fear of not being enough. It came from when her father left her aged 5.

It is these kind of underlying programs that are crucial to heal so that you can transcend to the most exquisite of relationships.


If you’d like to chat about any of this or heal your heart ache please let me know.

Published by Dan Sainsbury Transformational Psychology

Dan Sainsbury is a world-leading transformational psychologist and healer.

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