How To Recognise Underlying Sabotaging Patterns

Most of the time we are so stuck up in our heads, lost in the personal hallucination of our cloud of thought that we mistake for reality, that we forget the type of thought is being generated and maintained by the way we feel UNDERNEATH the thought.

I was just reading an incredible exposé of this in a commentary from a married couple *.

The man by his own admission had been quick to criticise his partners, and now his wife, at the slightest error. It had destroyed a series of relationships.

On one occasion, she was 10 minutes late back from the grocery store, laden with bags .. and barely through the door she was on the receiving end of his lacerating and highly articulate tongue.

The anger felt justified but this time was different.

He felt a fear welling underneath and it stopped him in his tracks.

He questioned into the fear and realised it was a fear of abandonment.

He realised if he pushed the woman away they couldn’t be the one that leaves him.

He immediately expressed and articulated the fear to his wife, she melted and with tears said “I have no intention of leaving you”.

He stayed down in the body and transmuted the fear — less chance it can sabotage the relationship again.


Next time your thoughts, actions and behaviour propel off into some unruly direction STOP, drop your awareness down into the body: what feeling is there underneath?

Meet it with pure Awareness, allow it, transmute it with the energy of Love — see what happens.

Then notice what has happened with your thoughts.

Ahhhh. Nice huh?


*the commentary can be found exquisitely articulated in the amazing book Lasting Love by Gay and Kathryn Hendricks.

Published by Dan Sainsbury Transformational Psychology

Dan Sainsbury is a world-leading transformational psychologist and healer.

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